walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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