this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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