i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
