the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
