i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
