I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Boobs are out for the taking
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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