you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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