the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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