She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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