im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
