So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
