im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
