I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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