I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
