Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
