I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect