Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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