you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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