Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize