I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
