Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
