I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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