you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
