Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
