Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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