Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
