why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
