I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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