so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
