you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is Oprah even human
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
