I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
