also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
