6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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