Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
