we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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