just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
