He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
