seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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