I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
