i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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