I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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