He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We don't watch enough power rangers
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
