I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
