did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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