I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
