i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
