Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
