My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
should my penis look like a turkey
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
