Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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