I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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