I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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