how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
