super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
