And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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