just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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