Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
