he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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