Your dad touched me again.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
