I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
