The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
