you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I love black thongs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
