Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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