I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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