Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize