I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
