singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
