My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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