i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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