Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
