She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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