If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
