I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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