It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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