I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no, he came in my armpit
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
