So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
