Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
