i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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