nut hugger
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
