I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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